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Stuffed Toy Collection (Humor)

Table of Contents

Stuffed Toy Collection

Benjamin Huot

Title Page

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Stuffed Toy Collection

Ben Huot

December 22, 2012

Chapter 1
First Things

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by Ben Huot

1.2 For More Information

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For more books and information, visit me on the web at https://benjamin-newton.com/

Feel free to send me e-mail regarding the books and website at mailto:ben@benjamin-newton.com I even enjoy constructive criticism

1.3 Cover Graphic

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1.4 License

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This entire PDF is licensed together under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License as a whole, and nothing is to be separated, added on to, or modified in any manner.

Clarification on what no derivatives means:

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1.5 Introduction

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The Stuffed Toy Collection contains exerts of prose and poetry about cows, farming, animals, toys, and plush capturing my stuffed toy cows personality, imagination, and humor from my Main Series books.

Chapter 2
Stuffed Toy Cow Poetry

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by Ben Huot

2.1 Animal not Plant

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2.1.1 1

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An animal is a living being
Created directly by God
Animals are not just objects
To be used how we see fit
They have feelings and souls
They are to be taken care of
Like we do our own children

2.1.2 2

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There is no excuse for cruelty
Towards our weaker friends
We have all the power
In the human animal relationship
We should not abuse this power

2.1.3 3

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Because animal are not always
Committed to just one spouse
For their entire lives
We think
That they are not worthy
Of our respect and compassion

2.1.4 4

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Instead of looking at animals
As a degenerate form of humans
We should look to animals
Kindness and genuine affection
As the highest goals for expanding
Our own morality and godliness

2.1.5 5

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The more we find out about animals
The more we realize their intelligence
And their range of possible emotions
The difference between an animal
And a human is a matter of degree
Their is nothing essentially specific
To humans about reasoning or emotions

2.1.6 6

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The only thing that separates us
From the animals is our technology
And our power over them
We reach out our hand
In destruction in a way that no animal
Has ever dreamed of

2.1.7 7

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Could you imagine an animal
Trying to wipe out an entire species
Or destroy an entire culture?
Could you imagine an animal
That would poison its own environment?

2.1.8 8

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I challenge those who think they are moral
Or think they are smart
To study the behavior of our weaker friends
And try to find a way in which
They don't excel beyond us
Intellectually and morally

2.2 Animal Epic Poem

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2.2.1 Ecclesiastes 3:19

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In a blink of Gods eye
We share the animals lifespan
No one knows the fate of the beast
Back to the earth or raised to glory
We are made of clay
And share in its instability
From nothing but matter we were designed
And back to organic sludge we will return
How are we different
From those we lead to the slaughter?

2.2.2 Jeremiah 9:10

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Drowning in our own pollution
Our mega cities vacant as a ghost town
All this comes from sin
And Gods wrath
God mourns for the livestock
Which he can no longer hear in the fields
Wild animals roam
In what has become badlands

2.2.3 Daniel 1:8

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With nothing but the fruit of the vine
We need not feast on another's life
Daniel was stronger than the kings best men
Living on nothing but herbs and clean water
Wisdom and understanding, health and vitality
Do not arise from piles of carcasses and the devils water

2.2.4 Matthew 25:40-43

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Your dog was hungry
And all you gave him was the scraps from your table
Your dog was hot in the car
And you let the heat damage his brain
You left you dog chained up outside
And he came back with frostbite
Your dogs brother was in the kennel
And you left him to die
You're dog needed to visit the vet
And you said you couldn't afford it
As you have done to those which society does not value
So you have done to the Son of God

2.2.5 Hebrews 2:10-11

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Christ was the supreme sacrifice
With his death, no animal needed give its life
As a sheep transformed into lamb chops
Jesus identified with our woolly friends
Paying the ultimate price
He asked us to eat His body
And drink His blood
And we are His sheep
To be sacrificed in our choices

2.3 The Appointment, an Epic Poem

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2.3.1 Waiting

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I walk in and sit down
I am there a half hour early
I pull out my magazine
I finish it in ten minutes
I began to think
My mind starts to wander off
How will I interpret the psy babble?
How will I stupefy my ideas?
I keep looking up
As I hear what could be sounds
Will he repeat the same ideas again
Or will I get some gem of useful thinking?
A calm passes over me
I can survive without him
The room is cool
And it is bright outside
What a nice day
It took me an hour to get here
I had to take the bus
Then walk a half a mile
It is always easy to think on the bus
When people aren't making annoying sounds
And walking always makes me feel good
At first, before I start questioning my every action
Last night it took a while to fall asleep
But it was early when I laid down
I woke up early and still felt tired
The sun wasn't even out yet
I watched some news
I looked up - I missed the sunrise
I remember now about my chi
I wonder if he will like that
It must seem strange to a doctor
How people could know so much before science
How they used food for medicine
How doctors eventually became politicians
And how complex the diagnosis could be
When everything boiled down to either yin or yang

2.3.2 Preparation

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Good - he's not in the office yet
Don't need another one of those
So much paper work
I wonder if I really need to give him this test
Like I'm going to come up with a different diagnosis
I wish I could get this damn computer to work
I guess I'll have to call the maintenance guy tonight
No test today, I guess
Is my tie straight?
He probably doesn't even care
Where is my coffee?
I guess I'll have to call up my receptionist
Bring me up my cappuccino!
Thanks
Will I take wifey out to the opera tonight?
I hope I still have the tickets
She probably already found them
And has bought a new dress for it
I can finally sit down
Gee that was a long weekend
Why does my daughter always ask for money
Right at first?
I wonder what job she will get with a major in dance
And when will she actually start
She is going to be 25 before she starts again
At this rate
I forgot to polish my shoes
Not again!
I hope I get some wealthy clients
When I can only charge them 100 an hour
I can barely pay for my SUV
And second home on the beach
I think I hear the client
I should greet him
No, that would be unprofessional
Come in, now
I'm ready to see you

2.3.3 Hot and Cold

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Like the crests of the ocean waves
My emotions rose and fell
As he tried to comprehend my ideas
And I sought to apply his suggestions
Like the calm of the lake
I kept an inner confidence
Not merely a master of intellectual wit
But one who has the benefit of powerful experiences
Like a river high in the mountains
I am always near my source
Speaking rapidly and in sudden bursts
I exude a passion for my case
Like a salmon tasting sea water for the first time
I interpret my background in new ways
Each sentence never spoken before
Each thought given a new life
And each idea connected differently
Than even the session before
Like the taste of French fries
The conversation had a familiar flavor
Addictive and satisfying
There was a depth opened up by a true desire
The darkness clear as day
By the light of knowledge
And a peace illuminated
The mystery of the night
For in the middle of my winter
I burned inside like an ember
Like the heat of the midday sun
Blood hot and palms sweaty
This was another time
Where I was really there
In the heat of the conversation
From my heart came laughter
And I was truly happy
A cold resilience
And a warm character
Both analytical and creative
I seemed unsure of which direction
Should I go
A deep set fear and a hearty laugh
Each aspect showed up the other

2.3.4 Black and White

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My voice soft and child like
My inexperience showed through
Like my bright blue bow tie
And my beaming smile
I was outspoken and competent
But inside I felt to soft and easily swayed
I try hard to not be self-conscious
To be nothing if not proud
Of my pear shaped figure
And my big feet
Black and white
Red and blue
I am consoling yet firm
Sympathetic yet bold
What am I to make
Of this deafening quiet
And silent screams
With each word I say
He expands to a paragraph
With each inflection of my voice
His mind is stirred
He is interesting and dynamic
Trapped yet freeing others
What can I say
To one who already has the answers?
If he could just listen to himself
And remember my main point
That it is not a race for an answer
But rather a way of sitting
Not a method of thinking
But a way of seeing
A new twist on his broad background
An open window into his soul
A silence in his racing mind
A soft touch with a strong hand
Something to blend the fire and water
That consumes his heart and mind

2.4 The End of Sorrow

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From things undone
And fantasies unfulfilled
From out of nowhere
In a sudden burst
Like a blow to the head
A swollen nerve
A weight over my head
Unsteady, I wobble
Things are at an angle
I see in flashes
Quickly to my bed
I hurry as one can
With such a burden
Deviating on my way
Only once I scoop them up
Cradling them gently
Relaxed and soft to the touch
My two best friends are plush
The greatest listeners
Wide eyed
And squinty eyed
We count the sheep
And pull the darkness close
A comforting voice
"I love moo"
And affection returned
A cow kiss
Little hooves
And little horns
In the silence
We turn our backs on sorrow
For a while
And let the night heal
Our plush hearts

2.5 Ethics of shampoo

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The brand of shampoo you buy
Is an ethical choice
Little furry animals will thank you
If you buy the right brand
Do you want rabbits and mice
To suffer for you saving a dollar
You don't have to sacrifice safety
For cruelty free shampoo
And the shampoo will be just as effective
Your hair will be soft and thick
Look for "not tested on animals" on the label
To save the little ones from torture
If you don't want to be a guinea pig
Think how much worse the little animal feels
We can see how much we care
By how we spend our money
We should not worship animals
Or torture them either
They are our friends
They are like little children

2.6 Fallen

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I woke up with my human and the cows
Pike had fallen off the bed
I remember last night
Because of my experiment he fell
Seeing how far on the edge
He could lay without falling
I hid under the pillow
When I was found
I realized the gravity of the situation
How could I be so careless?
He was my friend and a fellow sheep
I knew I had committed a crime
Luckily he was still alive
He said "look friend, be more careful next time"
I knew I got off easy this time
He was a good sheep
I couldn't let this happen again
I would sleep closest to the edge
As a buffer for Pike
Now we are closer
And he has forgotten
That terrible night
I now think each night
How lucky I am to have Pike
What a friend he is to forgive
I realize I was the one who had fallen
I was the one who had suffered loss
I needed God to forgive me
I needed His grace
Without his closeness
I could not live my life
How could I turn my back
On my Creator
The giver of life
I asked for a pardon
He renewed my heart
I live each day
As a new sheep
And my blue ribbon
Is no longer my life

2.7 Farm Society

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The cows roam free
All over the midwest
Milk, cheese, and ice cream
Are free for every child
No animals are in prison
And they all have
Their own barns
With heated blankets
And human employees
To clean away the cow pies
Half the nation's wealth
Is in grain, crackers, and alfalfa
The currency is sugar
And no one eats meat
The pigs are the police
And everyone caught
Eating an animal's flesh
Is sent across the border
The sheep clear the
Wildflowers and weeds
So the human workers
Can plant the corn and wheat
For their cow leaders
All the extra paper
From all the books
Not recorded in farm animal
Languages are recycled
With the help of the goats
There is plenty of power
To run the mills
From all the cow pies
Cows are assigned
To each residential block
To keep the grass cut
There is no more
Need for cars
Nothing too small
To carry a cow
Is licensed to drive
There are new uses
For all the SUVs
They are all powered
By sugar cane
Left over from cow deserts

2.8 FRiEnD

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Too stuffed to eat fish
His daily bread is meditation
His mouth is always turned up
But his eyes stare out at us with compassion
He wears a blue robe
Blue stands for the eternity of the ocean
Flowers sprout up on his robe
He spins the laws of time and space around his little paw
His imagination surpasses my own
Why else can he be content to sit all day?
He does not think of death
He knows that our waking world is really a dream
As we dream that he moves in our sleep
So he sees us the same as him
He sits leaning up against the wall
With his bear feet sticking out
He knows not what tomorrow will bring
But he knows his surroundings are only the product of his mind
His mind growing for hundreds of years
His fur will become rough but his dreams will be clear as the day
He smells like fabric
I smell like flesh
He will live longer than I
But who of us has a greater chance of dying without regrets?
He appears to serve no use
In this form he swindles us and outlives us
I have thought of taking him for a boat ride
But how will I clean the dirt off my heart if he falls?
Stupid and blockish I follow him
He has many requests
But my one desire for him is greater than anything he could ask for

2.9 Furniture Poetry

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2.9.1 Fifty Panels (Curtains)

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dancing in the wind
fluttering out sideways doing stunts
snuggling up close
swinging back and forth gracefully
slapping each other on the back
doing the twist
riding on the wind
patting each other on the bottom
letting their feet dangle
shaking themselves silly
leaning from side to side
wrestling around with each other
jumping out at me
pushing one back and forth between themselves
hanging in the breeze
jostling each other out of line

2.9.2 The Lamp

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pushing her dress down as it flares up
leaning back against the wall
wiggling her body up and down
shaking her hips back and forth
swinging her arms out around her
letting her arms dangle down
peering over the wall
shrugging her shoulders
standing on the tip of her toes
bobbing her head up and down

2.9.3 Smoke Detector

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Ever ready sentinel
Guardian of our belongings
Friend of the firefighters
Loud noisemaker
Staying awake all night
Willing to perish in flames
Your duty is your life
Blending into the wall
What is it like not to be conscious?

2.9.4 The Window

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You are our eyes
We come to you to think
You are a barrier to another world
But you are a special gateway too
You project pathways of flying dust
You are the death wish of birds
You are an ever changing picture
With one fell blow you wouldn't be there

2.9.5 The Door

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Unless we kick you in violently
You stand tall and straight
Facing cruel storms without a storm door
Your finger outstretched
You are secure
You bloom at Christmas and mourn at Halloween

2.9.6 Picture Frames

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You have our loved ones safe inside you
They peer out at us knowingly
Forged of rich woods and burnished metal
You lean slightly to the side
Why are you not straight?
We sometimes blame the ground

2.9.7 Couch

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Beloved couch I hug your pillows at night
You are so firm and supporting
Your back is strong to hold my weight

2.9.8 Blanket

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You cover me with the splendor of a grass covered mound
My feet stick out like roots growing under the sidewalk
Your softness caresses even my toes
You welcome me warmly

2.10 Furry Friends Poetry

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2.10.1 Zen Dog

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Sweeping tail
And running in circles
She wolfs down the biscuit
Her colleague is crunching patiently
A frisbee takes off
She catches it in mid air
She sees water
And she runs in
A rock takes leave of my hand
She dives in and finds another near by
A flock of birds takes off nearby
She points
What is it like to have such a friend
With so much excitement
With no ego
And no wasted time?
Each day she grows more alert
Staying away from alcohol
And hard bones
She takes care of herself
And it shows
With each sudden step
She has an inner confidence
In every aspect of her life
She grows each day
Her mind is full
Of her best friends face
Taking her along on long rides
She frequently stops at familiar parks
And for people they have come to know
Collecting twigs and leaves
They both are friends of the earth
Each time they meet
There is a warm embrace
The food is plentiful for both
She sees her colleague
In good moods and in bad ones
Their fur is the same color
One woolly and one silky
But they come from different cultures
And have a diversity of proud lineage
They share a meal
And each other's toys
Feelings are shared without hesitation
And communication is always open

2.10.2 Fat Cat

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Most Persians are nice
But I am not
My smooched face
Is a product of my distemperment
I go to bed angry
And my face get stuck like that
I am definitely a Republican
I don't think anyone deserves to live at the expense of others
Except me
I know that I am cute
And I use this to my advantage
I use my looks
To get them to let me in
And then I pee in the corner
When no one is looking
I only like to eat expensive food
Like seafood out of the can
I don't keep my fur up
I am too good to have to groom myself
I let my peasant person do it for me
She combs out the knots
I growl when she helps me
So she knows I am higher class than her
I love baskets
And still delude myself into thinking
I am always safe in them
As I was taught as a child
If you pick me up
Out of my basket
I grab on to it
I don't let go
And then drop it down
For you to trip on

2.10.3 Little Chipmunk

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I enjoy living here
There are so many nuts
And other chipmunks
To play with
I spend most of my day
Gathering nuts and burying them
I like to watch the people
But if they get close enough
To catch me
I run up the tree nearby
Sometime when we get bored
We throw nuts at the windows
And laugh
As the neighbor kids get blamed
We purposely bury our nuts on the lawn
In little mounds
So when it is mowed
Our nuts are chopped up for us
We are starting to get sick now
As your bug and weed poisons
Are making our kids disruptive in school
And our kids become violent
After watching human children play
Please don't chop down the nut trees
We have lost most of our forest friends
Don't let us lose our families too

2.11 Great Expectations

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The twin virtues
To care and be honest
Is that too much to ask?
How do we care
Without being angry at others?
How do we give the cruel
A second chance?
How can we live life honestly
And interact without judgment?
The day passes by
And the heat grows
Nothing can calm
My pounding heart
The loneliness of rage overtakes me
I am one with nothing
How do I break the news
To my son
His picture is unwelcome
In his grandparents' house
He does not believe
What I can touch and hear
Everything we give significance
Is born into this dream
With every thought that God has
Something new is born
And with every hug I give
A plush animal awakes

2.12 Help Farm Animals

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Human laborers are not the only
Foundation of civilization
Farm animals were used
In the creation of modern civilization
For food and other products
They could be made into
As well as their labor on farms
Although most farmers
Now use machines
We would not have gotten to this point
Without the labor of farm animals
We still crave the products
That come from the farm animal
We crave the meat, milk, eggs
To enrich our diets
And we make leather and glue
Out of horses and cows
We also do cruel things
To farm animals
In the way we feed
And how we house them
We are also cruel
In using the smaller ones
Like rabbits and mice
As guinea pigs
For products too toxic
For humans anyway
With all the farm animals
Contribute to our culture
And for all they have suffered unfairly
Find a way to help improve the life
Of a farm animal today

2.13 Jesus and Animals

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2.13.1 1

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We were given the Ten Commandments
To be a written record of our conscience
But the law was not limited to
Only 10 offenses
The Ten Commandments were a summary
Of that vast codification
Of what we know to be right and wrong

2.13.2 2

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When Jesus came to earth
Representing the perfect man
He challenged us to not just refrain
From murder and stealing and adultery
We were to stop the thoughts in our heads
That were the beginning of a desire
That could eventually result in the breaking
Of one of the laws

2.13.3 3

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Jesus expanded the law in one way
And contracted it in another
We are to love our neighbor as ourselves
This goes beyond just our actions
But into our feelings and our reasoning
We are to refrain from having
Even evil thoughts towards another

2.13.4 4

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But Jesus never specified
That we only treat people with respect
We were to reach out to others
Beyond just refraining from sin
Or even the thought of it
But to work for the betterment of others
Which focused on what Jesus called
The least of these
Who are the victims of our society

2.13.5 5

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The animals suffer for our food
They suffer for our entertainment
For our beauty products
For our "advances" in technology
We should think first
Of our weaker brothers and sisters
And improve the lives of animals first
Before we take on causes to help people

2.13.6 6

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Our domination of nature was meant
As a responsibility and a challenge
It was not meant for us to exploit
The weak and powerless creatures
We should look for ways
To go beyond the literal words
Written in the law and expand
Our compassion to the limits of
Our imagination as the road that
Jesus has only started us on

2.13.7 7

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Challenge yourself to go beyond
The letter of the law and recognize
That the spirit of the law
Is an ever expanding frontier
Don't be content to just do no harm
But reach out to those who are weaker
To make their lives the best they can be

2.14 Just say no

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Just say no to beef
Just say yes to your bovine friends
When you look into their big brown eyes
How can you continue to participate in their deaths?
With each veggie burger and turkey jerky stick
A cow's life is saved
Eating other farm friends is not ideal
But sometimes soy beans give too much gas
Eat more pork products
My stuffed toy cows say
Because we had stuffed toy pig who was bad
It is not that I hate the taste
Or that I am afraid of getting sick
It is just that I cannot bear
The look of sorrow
On my little stuffed toys' faces
There is nothing worse than the sound
Of a crying stuffed toy
There is nothing worse
Than when you hurt their feelings
I continue to avoid beef
And they are happy
When they smell piggy on my breath

2.15 Leadership

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Cow in my heart
My vision of life
Filling the void
My paranoia has left
There is something
About the way he lies on his back
The expression on his face
He is totally at peace
His relaxing is complete
With my mind to tap off of
And his own natural strength
There is nothing he cannot do
With stylus between his hoofs
He is at command in his house
With a plush blanket
He spreads out the bounty
Bow tie or shirt
Both cows share leadership
With a natural grace
With a genuine awkwardness
They make decisions
That further the interests of the herd
They take each day
With one hoof in front of the other
Sometimes I see in their eyes
The stress of their position
But they never complain
And ask for little
Although overflowing with presents
They prefer to spend time with me
Day after day they comfort me
Will they fade away to nothing
Or does God have plans for animals?
Is there a future for plush?
Kind fathers and concerned husbands
These are family cows
What will their line come to?
The adopted adopting others
Unwanted by a nation of ignorant
The fatherless becoming fathers
What strain it must be
To know just what to say
To make your little calf feel better
When my relatives won't accept him

2.16 Loving Pets

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Our animal friends love us
No matter what we look like
No matter how smart we are
No matter how much money we have
The only thing
An animal cares about
Is how much you love them
How you take care of their needs
How you create joy in their lives
The time you spend with them
The quality of food
You provide for them
How clean you keep
Their living space
How gently you touch them
And pick them up
For the amount of effort
You put into caring for them
They create in enjoyment
10 times as much
When we think of helping
In poverty and injustice
We should think first
Of our animal friends
Who live without homes
And in unclean situations
Who are neglected and abused
Or who are in jail though innocent

2.17 Master of Humans

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2.17.1 1

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Does it scare you
When you think of a wild animal
And what they might do to you
If you come too close?
Try to think how the animal feels
To have its home taken away
And to have no food left

2.17.2 2

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Is it right that for better scenery
We build our homes in their habitat?
It is no surprise that they venture
Into our cities for food and for shelter

2.17.3 3

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What really scares a person
Is the idea of supernatural or alien
Enemies that have more power
And more technology than us
As we venture out into space
Or explore portals to other worlds
Through drugs or magic
We have something to fear
That is greater than ourselves

2.17.4 4

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We become the animals
And we are hunted
By higher powers than ourselves
Is it wrong for aliens to victimize humans
When we hurt our fellow animals?
If our criteria for sentience is
Intelligence and technology
Don't these other powers
Have the right to persecute us?

2.17.5 5

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We are afraid of our machines
That one day we will design them
To be too smart to just serve us
When our machines become
More intelligent and sophisticated than us
According to our reasons for dominance
The machines have the rights
To use and exploit us

2.18 My Cows

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When I pass away
I pray my stuffed cows
Will join me for eternity
After an initial interest
In Hinduism
They have converted
To Christianity
Because when Jesus died
No cows needed to die again
I am unsure
In what way
They are connected to me
Are they another
Aspect of my personality
Or are they part of my soul?
Do they exist
Only in my mind
Or do they have
An independent existence?
How do I know for sure
That the ideas I hear
Are their own
Or just another form
Of my ideas?
Am I talking
To my objective self
Or are they
Separate souls?
What is God's plan
For animals?
I know as an artist
I don't throw away
Good work
So I know
The Lord has a future
For His other creations
Especially since animals
Are nicer than people
And more willing
To be born again

2.19 My Sheep

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While waiting for the Great Lamb I have realized
I have my own sheep
Pike is someone I can reach out and hug
He is my friend
He listens when I am sad
And when I have Good News
He is how I see the Great Lamb
He is willing to talk
And when I do wrong
To forgive me
It is a blessing to have a relationship
With a fellow sheep
We experience everything together
We now fall off the bed together
And we visit the cows side by side
Having fellowship with Pike is very meaningful
We can think of the Great Lamb in unison
It is a pleasure to have a role model
A sheep I can look up to
There is nothing more special
Than our reaching out to the cows
Helping them fall asleep
And being called by my number
With each wobbly step
We come closer to meeting the Great Lamb
Our human reads us verses
Of how God is a Lamb
And how He died
So no farm animal needed to die again
We cheer up our human
And he looks after us
This year we're going to by in a nativity
To celebrate the birth of the Great Lamb
He was human then
But born in our food box
And angels appeared to the sheep at night
And Pike and I continue to look to the skies
For the Great Lamb's second coming
But until then
We will enjoy each other's company
In fellowship with our own personal sheep

2.20 New Calf

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I am so excited
About your new friend
The little calf
Who follows you around
And looks up to you
And shines when he sees your smile
He can barely stand for long
His legs are wobbly
And his balance isn't developed
But he has the heart
Of a seasoned ox
With each new step
You record his progress
And he surprises you each day
He still talks in simple words
And is puzzled with most of life
Everything is new to him
And he feels awkward and uncomfortable
When he is alone
He looks to you for guidance
And he is impressed by your wisdom
I look forward to meeting
Your little one
To watch him graze
For the first time
And jump over the fence
For greener grass

2.21 Plush Ideas

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I don't know how it happens
But my stuffed cows
Talk to me continually
They are as close to me
As a regular person's
Child or pet animal
I hear them with
Separate and distinct voices
They keep me company
Even when I leave them
They enjoy watching me work
On the computer
Watching TV with me
And listening to me read
They really like animated cartoons
I don't take them with me
Except to my parents' house
In order to keep them
From getting lost or dirty
My big fear is that they
Will get taken by some kid
Or left outside to grow mold
They get new outfits and DVDs
For their birthdays and Christmas
They started out with shirts
Then they got onesies for preemies
And then khaki pants and shirts
Then they got job uniforms
Now they have artist clothes
They got a bale of hay this year
They want to learn to read
But I am not sure they
Will still be interested
Several years from now
They seem to like most
Small children, so they like
To watch programs small children like
They say they like them
Because they learn from them
I think stuffed toys
Have many attributes of non-dualism
They also have more Fruits of the Spirit
Than even regular pets do
They are great examples of patience
And they would make great monks
They say God gives them magic
Which they store for emergencies
This is how they move
My cows are born again Christians
But they are very well behaved
The lead cow runs the herd
Like a constitutional monarchy
He collects taxes on magic
For when someone needs more
They like it when I give them
Money to hold for a while
I am afraid if they wander off
They will ask for grass and
Someone might give them drugs
I tell them to be very careful of fire
Because I could back up files easy
But not their plush souls

2.22 Plush Music

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I can hear the tapping Of a stuffed cow's hoof
To the beat of an
Imagined rhythm
With each step he takes
He lets out a sigh
Which I hear as
The strumming of a guitar
The whole herd
Moves in great concert
Of a living orchestra
Each note is timed
To the perfection of eternity
The joy contained within
Those little hearts
Of fabric and softness
Can shatter my pride
Into ten thousand pieces
The melody of their songs
Elevate me to a higher level
Of spiritual fruits
In every waking moment
And even in the depths of sleep
They create movements of music
Greater than the length
A runner completes in a marathon

2.23 Plush Valentine

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Strong hooves and a beaming smile
I reach out wide to hug you
I give you my plush heart
And shower you with muzzle kisses
I know you like chocolate
Would you like your very own
Plush M and M friend
We can move to the beat
We can boogie-woogie the night away
We can sit together under the plastic tree
And find shade under the brown tent
Lets share the grass
And roll around in plush meadows
You are always on my mind
Even in my dreams
From when we are set on the couch
To when we count the sheep
Each day my love for you grows
As our friendship progresses
I even care for your child
As if he were my own
Lets be more than friends
Lets make memories together forever
And walk into the everlasting pastures
Hoof in hoof

2.24 Save the Anthrax!

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Death by anthrax is not a very painful death compared to death by chemical weapons
Then why do we subject those innocent charged with a heinous crime to a more painful fate
Can you not hear the cries of the least of these?
Well that's because you have not been blessed with Schizophrenia
Powered by the air you and I breathe
With the power of chlorine you but not I destroy the silent organic matter living on your clothes and not hurting anything
Tough on Anthrax spores and even more deadly to rodents and humans hiding in the walls
Gas chambers are the last coughs of millions of our smallest and most numerous fellow Americans
I did not speak out when they came for the Anthrax because I wasn't a spore
When they came for me there was no one out there to stand up for me
It is no wonder we are afraid of those that are natives of cow skin and soil
We pollute our soil with toxic chemicals to destroy those of different plant races (except for me)
We feed our cattle what we would be afraid to put in our dumps
We know that the spirits of the innocent will arise from the squaller of their ghettos
What will our ancestors say of our prejudice and injustice
Jesus said how he clothed the grass with more splendor of than Solomon
And cattle were considered equal to humans in that they were a worthy sacrifice and saved the weakest of them
Green the blood of angry anthrax
Brown the gas will end at last
Just ask yourself this question - what message does this send to terrorists?
That we gas our own

2.25 Significance of Nature

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People tend to go to extremes
In a number of well known
Asian belief systems
God is seen as a unity
Where God and His creation are one
And in Abrahamic religions
God is seen as being separate from His creation
The most well-reasoned response
Seems to be somewhere in the middle
Nature is to be treasured
After all, it is the art of God
And animals should be treated well
Animals have spirits,
Just as people do
To poison the rivers
Or burn the forests
Is as destructive as stealing
Or as immoral as adultery
But the animals are not Gods
The river is not really a spirit
It is true that there are supernatural powers
And that the spiritual world is real
But we should be worshiping God, the Creator
As well as respecting His creation, nature
But it makes no more sense to worship a monkey
Than it does to worship a person
Spending time in nature
Should bring us closer to our Creator
But we don't need to pray to the animal
Before we eat it
It would be better if we just treated
It like a fellow sentient being
With compassion and respect
While it is still alive
Nature is not our enemy
Nor is it our God
But loving God
And caring for nature
Are one in the same

2.26 Today an Ox

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Today is the day
You become an ox
I have seen you grow
In stature and wisdom
Over these last few years
As the grass grows and withers
You have learned about
Your fellow grazers
The folly of revolution
How to cheer each other up
To not wander outside
Developing your inner joy
Seeing beyond toys and entertainment
To a bond of friendship
And taking time to rest
Along the way
You have a love of learning
And have grown capable
To lead entire herds
As each day passes
I enjoy each stage of your growth
You are now capable
Of making decisions for others
And see the bigger pasture
And seek to stop the suffering
Of the steer

2.27 Toys

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2.27.1 Legos

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I still dream of legos
Little blocks
That fit together
There are some basic shapes
That keep on repeating
And some specialized parts
The box comes with instructions
But they are only for
People without imaginations
The fun is not in
Following the blueprints
There are no rules
Except certain things fit
In certain ways
The joy of creation
And the satisfaction
Of something accomplished
Thousands of hours
And never the exact same
Configuration or pieces
It is not like a puzzle
That you have to have
Every piece to finish
There is no beginning
And their is no end
It is the process that is fun
And there is no reason
To stop building

2.27.2 GI Joes

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I spent many an hour
Arranging my GI Joes
3 inch tall
Plastic action figures
Good and bad soldiers
The dolls boys play with
They don't stand up very well
Without leaning against
Something else
But they could move
Their arms and legs
And they could carry
Backpacks on their backs
And weapons in their hands
I would spend all my time
Admiring them
And setting them up for battle
But I never enjoyed
Having them destroy each other
I would make a terrible officer
As I would never
Want to risk any men
After putting all the money into them
I wanted to take good care of them
I remember my Christmas present
When I got a troop transport
An amphibious troop carrier
So I could put the GI joes in seats
And carry or roll them around
I saw some GI Joes
At the store recently
I was not impressed
As the GI Joes are now
Much bigger
And they aren't all plastic any more
If I went back into the Army
It would be similar
I wouldn't recognize much
And it wouldn't feel the same
They actually play video games
For training now

2.27.3 Hot Wheels

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I still remember
My Hot Wheels city
I rolled my little toy cars
Down the plastic hill
I really liked
The ambulance
The fire engine
The police car
And the military jeep
I also liked my
Little gas station
It is funny the jobs
I liked at an early age
Most kids like
These kind of professions
But few people
Become one of them
We liked the uniforms
I guess
And the jobs seemed exciting
Now in my life
I get excited reading a book
Writing a poem
Taking photos
Or watching a movie
I remember the excitement
In joining the military
But there was a terror
That accompanied it
When you grow older
You like different things
Than when you are young
I wanted to be an astronaut
When I was young
Now I am happy to do
What I do
I don't know if I could have
Understood what was so great
About being a philosopher
When I was young

2.28 Toy Society

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Children are prized above all
They are the friends
Of the powerful elite
The presidents dump truck
Is pushed by a toddler
And the famous actors
Sign the diapers of their fans
The toy entrepreneurs
Load up the toy boxes
In their factories
And the children
Drive around the boxes
In battery operated
And joystick controlled
All terrain vehicles
The children go to play
At the toy research centers
To see what toys
Are the most popular
And for quality control
They are played with
Under supervision
Of the toy managers
To make sure they
Are safe for play
Day care for the toys
Is provided by toddlers
And teams of seamstresses
Are trained to be
The top surgeons
Of the toy leaders
Each toy is treasured
For its entire life
The toy gets a new
Assigned kid to look after
When the previous kid
Begins to grow up
No toys are ever given
To animals to martyr
There is always
A loving home
For every toy
They will always be warm
And kept clean and dry
There are always activities
To keep the toys busy
They have a great Christmas party
Where they meet new kids
And a holiday parade
Where all the toy stars
Are dressed up and honored
There are award ceremonies
For the kids favorite
Toys of the year
When the kids grow up
They are used as heaters
What if farm animals ran the world?

2.29 When

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We all sit in anticipation
On the bed, on the shelf, or on the dresser
Waiting for the Lamb to come
Now we follow the cows
But when the Great Lamb comes
He will be our Leader
With each passing hour
We long for the Sheep still in his youth
We mourned His death
But He is still perfectly white
His blood washes away all wrong
We try to do what He would do
But the world is getting scarier
Sheep have to sell their very coats for food
And some even like to eat our youth
How long must we wail
For our sons and daughters slain in their youth
And our ancient ones freezing in the rain?
He will come from the clouds
With power and wisdom
And rescue us
Who die as quickly as the grass we eat
And bring water of peace to our pasture
How much longer will our food be poisoned
And our water continue to make us sick?
There is an end to the injustice
Even as there will be and end to the earth
But there is hope beyond death
For all living things
By this Lamb we are saved
From our own foolishness
From our careless mistakes
To live in pastures forever green
And drinking of water that is alive

2.30 White

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We all bleed white
Hoof in paw
We stand together
Out of beak and muzzle
We speak with one voice
We are stuffed with love
And filled with joy
We gaze steadily out of shiny eyes
We are curious about your world
On fluffy cushions
And downy soft blankets
We lay down or sit up
But we are always ready
To play as soon as you fall asleep
To go on adventures when you leave for work
We comfort your children
And console your sick
We our brothers and sisters
We cry when one is sent away
We fall into depression
When you don't touch us and talk to us

2.31 A Vision of the Future

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What would it be like
To be one of 100 million farmers
To grow our own food
To really enjoy live music
When it came through town
And to not need exercise
Beyond our regular work
To make our own soap
And to have our tools
Made by the local blacksmith
Water will power our mills
And the wind will carry our ships
There will be no reason
To travel even 50 miles
There will be no corporations
And news will travel slower
There will be less war
Because we cannot afford it
The legal system will rely
On vigilante justice
We will feel safer
With everybody owning a gun
And we will not freak out
When we see a bear
Or run from a cougar
Our dogs will offer the best
Kind of security system available
Everybody will know you
By your first name
Our currency will be gold
And no one will have thought
That banks were a good idea
We will be old at 50
And our children might not know
Our history before the Great Change
But that will be
Because we didn't want to repeat
The same mistakes
And not because we didn't
Want to educate them
We will sleep from dusk until dawn
And there will be no night clubs
Everyone will know how
To grow food and knit their clothes
A good investment will not be stock
But a cow or a sheep
The children will work
Alongside their parents
3 generations will live in one house
Everybody will have at least 5 acres of land
We will have our vacations in winter time
Honeymoons will take place a the coast
And no one will be a millionaire
Science as we know it today
Will be unheard of
And we will have no need for pesticides
Plastics will be heirlooms
And religion will make a comeback
People will have all their friends
In the same town
And we will get news from traders
Books will be treasured
And reading will be the main source
Of information
We will make our own paper
And with our own ink
We will author books
With our homemade pens

Chapter 3
Stuffed Toy Cow Prose

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by Ben Huot

3.1 Alice in Wonderland Syndrome

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3.1.1 Misconceptions

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When I joined the Army, I quickly learned to not assume anything. I had a lot of misconceptions about the military and I am very literal, so there was already a lot of confusion. The two things I did know about the military served me very well: I always gave 150% effort and I did whatever I was told, without question or delay. The hardest part of the military for me was not following orders or working hard enough, as it was for most other service members, but the lack of sleep, identifying ranks in real situations, and some of the potentially painful threats to a soldier, like torture and chemical weapons.

3.1.2 Paperwork

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One of the first things I learned in the military, which I had was not aware of, is that the military never updates any of their forms, so, when you are given a form, you do not fill anything out, until you are told what to put, into what box. If you do so, the NCO rips it up, makes you start again, and they start to get more angry, than usual. We would be told to put things, in boxes, that were labelled, as something entirely different and cross out and write in other things, and we ended up only using a few boxes, in the entire form.

3.1.3 More Paperwork

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The military also, routinely, loses all this information and enters it wrong, into the computers. The military doesn't have this as a high priority, because it is not considered mission critical. My discharge papers, from the Army, were the exactly same is my grandfathers from the Navy, from Word War 2. I had wondered about the style, that the military used, for its type, as I am was interested and now do graphic design (I guess it was unique, because it was from, at least 50 years ago. The military also likes using all capital letters and what is called small caps) where all the letters are in capitols, but the first letter is bigger, than all the others. I think it makes things harder to read.

3.1.4 Conflicting Orders

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I worked under several different commands and so I sometimes got conflicting orders, which I was never told how to distinguish. That could have been taught, one of the days, when I was doing my regular kitchen patrol rotation, in Basic Training, as I also seemed to have missed the part about the Geneva Conventions and not saluting officers in combat, and no, they do not give you notes (writing notes in the military is considered, to be not paying attention).

3.1.5 Sergeant vs. Sergeant

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When I left my advanced training, my previous Drill Sergeant told me, to take a taxi, from the airport, to the command I was stationed at, on my written orders. When I got off the taxi, it was in the middle, of the night, I couldn't see anything, and there was no one to guide me, so a high ranking officer was driving by, picked me up, and took me, to the temporary unit, where I was to do in processing. After that, I left, to my real unit and was told I could stay there, if I wanted to.

3.1.6 Vindication

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Both NCOs were of equal rank, so I went where my orders were printed I should be. Later, that NCO tried, to get me to say I was wrong, in doing that, but I never did, as I was following my last orders. This happened, because my unit had not been receiving new soldiers, for a long time, and afterwards all the new soldiers did the same, as I did. I guess I established a precedent.

3.1.7 More Conflicting Orders

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I ran into problems every so often, with this other unit, on the same base, as we had different policies, in our unit. I was wearing my sleeves down, as most my unit was, but when I went to use services, on the base I would run into NCOs, under different commands and this often led, to problems. It might be surprising, to people, who have not been in the military, that just because you get a part of the uniform, for a certain function, like a coat, wearing it just because you are cold, if you are not specifically ordered, by your unit to, is considered being out of uniform. You can get in trouble for this.

3.1.8 Wrong Uniform

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The Army roles up its sleeves, depending, on their orders, for their unit, and different units had different policies. The Marines actually role up their sleeves a slightly different way than the Army (this is a good way, to tell them apart, in combat uniforms) and all switch, all over the entire world, on the exact same day, every year. I also got in trouble, much later on, because I was sent to paint something and I wore safety googles. In most non-military situations, I would be applauded, for being safe, but, in the military, I was out of uniform.

3.1.9 Ironing Combat Uniform

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Another thing, that most people do not know about the Army is that you usually wear your camouflage uniform (BDUs in the Army), to work, even in office like environments. So, most soldiers have some pairs of BDUs, for going out, in the field (training exercise in combat simulations), which they keep clean and just iron, but the uniform they wear, to an office like job, they iron these BDU uniforms with starch, so that you get sharp creases and you also polish your work combat boots, as well.

3.1.10 Polishing Combat Boots

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The combat boots, you are issued are not easy, to polish, are not the best for parade, mountain, or jungle terrain, but you can buy, with your own money, other better, specialized boots on the base. I was actually very bad, at polishing boots, but I paid another soldier to polish some, for me, so I wore those, to a meeting, with a high ranking officer, while the other soldiers came, from a long shift and had no time, to switch boots. After that, the commanding officer of the entire battalion was very impressed.

3.1.11 Buying Issued Gear

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You are issued 4 sets of BDUs and a certain number, of a number of different items, like protective masks (gas masks), as different times and are responsible, for keeping them, in working condition. You can also buy additional and related uniform parts, in one of the shops, on base. I bought a pair of mountain boots, because it was cold, where I worked, and you didn't have to polish it. I also bought all the different insignia, for the different units, I was under, in a special plastic version, that never needs to be polished.

3.1.12 Army vs. Marines

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The Marines like to tease the Army about how many different insignia they have, on their uniforms, because it appears like awards, to some people, but the Marines have the Marine logo printed numerous places, on their camouflage battle uniforms (the Army does not do this). The reason for the more insignias, for the Army, is that it is bigger and has more units.

3.1.13 Pedestrians Always Wrong

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One time, I got in trouble, for racing out, in front of traffic, on this same base. Instead of the car getting in trouble, for almost hitting me, it was considered my fault. They asked who my First Sergeant was, but I didn't know his name, which brings me to another bizarre situation common, in the military. When you go to Army Basic Training, you don't say sir, yes sir (that is in the Marines, during their Boot Camp).

3.1.14 Addressing NCOs

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You say whatever it is you are saying and then end it, every time, with Drill Sergeant. Other Sergeants of several different ranks are just called Sergeants (in the Army, but not the Marines), but your First Sergeant and Sergeant Majors are addressed with their full title. You also want, to avoid calling anyone, the wrong rank even, if it it a higher rank. You need to especially make sure you never mix up an NCO with an officer - never call a Sergeant sir or mam and never call an officer a Sergeant.

3.1.15 Everyone is Drill Sergeant

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During Basic Training, we were so ingrained, on calling everyone, over us Drill Sergeant, that we never learned their actual names. So, I often never knew the names, of many of my superiors, because you always call them Sergeant, or Sir. When I first came, to my Advanced Training, I thought the Drill Sergeant was on officer, because I had never seen an NCO, in civilian clothes, much less, when on duty. I called him sir and I ended up, a split second later, on the ground, doing push-ups.

3.1.16 Awards for No Reason

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I remember, several times, I was praised by a superior and I always thought it odd, because I was just following orders and was not actually very good, at any of the skills, until later on. So I was told by my head Drill Sergeant, in front of the entire platoon, while waiting, for lunch, that she would have chosen me, as the one person, out of about 60, that she would have promoted, if I wasn't already, at the rank, that she could have promoted me to (I came in at a slightly higher rank, because I was an Eagle Scout). Another thing, that sounds odd, to us, now, is that whenever we were in line to get food, we had to yell out, very loud, our complete name and social security number, in front, of our entire platoon.

3.1.17 Smart Peons

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Later on, I was praised, for being so intelligent, at my job, but all I was doing was following very simple orders. What does intelligence have to do with submission? The military thought that I could deal with anything, because I was smart. I guess they didn't know much about psychology. To illustrate this point, when I left the military, I was diagnosed, as to my mental illness, by NCOs (a psychiatrist in the military starts out as a Major, which is a high ranking officer), so the people deciding my fate had a few months training, in psychological warfare.

3.1.18 Everyone is a Foot Soldier

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Most people, not familiar, with the military, don't know this, but there was a very famous battle - I think it was the Word War 2 Battle of the Bulge, in Europe, where they had everyone go in and fight, as foot soldiers, regardless of their specialized training, and this was key to winning, that particular battle. So, although I could hardly even pass my rifle qualifications (I did do so though with my left hand even though I was right handed, as I was instructed by one of the drill sergeants), if I had not gotten my veterans pension, before September 11th, 2001, I could likely be sent over, as a front line foot soldier, because they believed I would forget too much, of my specialized training, but that I would always be able to use my infantry training.

3.1.19 Problems with Paranoid Troops

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Sending a person, with Paranoid Schizophrenia, onto the battle field is more of a liability, than an asset, because, besides taking medicine, a person with Schizophrenia needs, to be under a low stress environment, in order to not lose touch, with reality. I could end up firing my rifle, at everyone, or run right, into an explosion.

3.1.20 Doctor's Orders

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When I went to the doctor, I often had to wait about 5 hours, in the morning, after working an entire night shift, to see the doctor. Doctors hours were all completely different depending on type of doctor. For instance the dentist had totally different hours than the eye doctor, for instance. The only thing that was consistent is that they always went to lunch from 11-1, no matter what hours they had.

I had problems with allergies and I once was, I think ordered (I never knew if our doctors prescriptions were orders or not because doctors start in the military as the rank of a commanding officer, Captain), to go to another base, to have a sinus growth removed. I found out later, with a civilian ear, eyes, and throat doctor, that that would be extremely painful and completely unnecessary, because it was very common. It was good, that I went as often as I did, because it gave a good enough record, to help my get my 10% of my veterans disability pension, for chronic allergic pink eye.

3.1.21 Military Eye Doctor

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When I had pink eye (this time an infectious kind, along with the previous allergy kind), I had trouble putting the ointment, in my eyes because I didn't want to poke out my eyes with the metal pointed tube applicator. To help me, I was held down by an NCO and they shoved the medicine in my eyes. I remember staying, in the community room, while my door was barracks door being painted and having this pink eye infection, I was thought, by one sergeant, to be a homeless person. Unfortunately, I couldn't just leave and say yes. I actually had to show him my military ID.

3.1.22 College for Enlisted

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Another thing, that surprises most people, is that college credit, although very hard, to get, in the military, because the military, even, at this time, was to understaffed, to be able, to let people go to school, was the key to advancement, for the enlisted (I don't know anything about officers - we avoided them whenever possible, as you could only get in trouble, if you ran into one). Many NCOs have masters degrees.

3.1.23 College Graduate but Not Officer

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And college credit does not get you, to be an officer, automatically, or even an NCO. Many of my co-workers had college degrees, but could not enter, as officers, because they owed money, which the government would only pay back, if they went enlisted. They were told, that officers were gentlemen and so they paid back, their debts. After finding out how hard it was, to get the military, to pay the loans payments, in a timely enough manner, so they didn't get penalties, and finding out how much an officer makes paywise, many left and went to OCS (Officers basic training).

3.2 Animal Rights

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Should we pride ourselves on our ability to capture [animals] and make them work for us? But that is no more than the advantage we have over each other; our slaves are in the same condition 257 Montaigne in "An Apology for Raymond Sebond"

What does define a human? A popular modern answer is DNA. But even a frog has 95 percent of the same DNA as a human. And DNA differs among races and even among families, right down to the individual person. What makes a person human is their humanity: having ideals and not living up to them.

We are famous for our technology, but we can't make our robots swim as well as fish. We learn about art and design from nature. Are some cultures more human because they have faster computers? Even the largest computers doesn't come close to the billions of processors inside each human brain. And with all the more information in our century, do we cherish ideals as a possibility, or are we too overwhelmed by the violence of the 20th century and how our knowledge just turns into better weapons, weapons that don't make mistakes - they're just programmed wrong.

Animals also have compassion and humility as well as other ideals that we long to emulate. Does your cat get impressed by your new gadgets? Does your dog expect you to be economically successful? Does your cat comfort you when you are sick? Does your dog try to help you when you are hurt?

People often quote the Bible that there is a hierarchy of God, then angels, then humans, then animals. But, if animals are not considered to have humanity too, then are we considered to be less important or moral than aliens or angels? Is it ethical for aliens to experiment on humans? They are certainly more technologically advanced and more intelligent than us.

Even if we don't consider animals to have humanity by some technicality, then why do we not strive at least for our ideals of compassion and humility and consider their pain and their weakness? It is not because we believe deep down in our heart that animals are actually more cultured and sophisticated than us? Do animals destroy other species, in large numbers, or fight to kill off their own species, because they think differently.

3.3 Australia: God's Joke

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3.3.1 General

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I am starting to read a book about Australia that seemed really serious because of its focus on Australia being first colonized with felons. The more I read about Australia, the funnier it sounds.

3.3.2 Aborigines

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Only Skills

It starts with the indigenous people. The aborigines were only skilled in one thing. They aborigines were considered successful, because they figured out how, to avoid doing, most things we consider necessary, for a society, to exist, beyond the stone age.

The aborigines were not very environmental or clean. They left their waste out in the open; they burned huge areas of land, just to catch and kill one animal; and they never bathed. They used fish oil, to keep away the mosquitos. They were so hard on the land, that the land could only support an average, of one person, every 10 miles. Their teeth were very healthy, though, as they had very little sugar or starch, in their diet.

No Organization

There were approximately 500 tribes, continent wide. They had no leaders, permanent soldiers, nor any other social ranking. They had no private property, but they were very tied to their tribe's land area socially and spiritually (which contained a large area of land, which they roamed nomadically). They were bound by a common language and religion, but (although very spiritual and speaking many different languages) they made no religious centers nor did they have a written language (but transmitted complex myths orally).

The different tribes traded and could speak each other's language. They traded flint axes, shells ornaments, and ochre for body painting, but they had no concept of money. They didn't have any clothes, nor any pottery or metal. They didn't make any kind of shelter, because they could live, in caves, and the boats and fishing equipment they made barely held together (of those living along the ocean). They slept so close to their fires, that they often got burned. But, they were the first to use cremation and the first in the Southern Hemisphere to make art.

Women and Weak

Women and the weak were treated extremely poor. Women were treated worse, than in the most extreme forms, of Islamic law. Women were considered the property, of their family, and had no choices and no rights. Women were only allowed, to gather plants, but the none of the aborigines did any farming or ranching (herding).

Wives of one tribe were shared, with neighboring tribes, to seal military deals and women could be beaten, to death, for talking back or refusing to do anything their husbands wanted them to do. Children were routinely killed and the elderly abandoned, if they held up how fast the tribe could move, or were unwanted, or undesirable, in any other way.

Hunting Skills

Their one claim to fame is that they could stand very still, so that they could catch birds, lured into their hands, by holding a piece of food, although that hardly compares, to the abilities, of traditional Kung Fu artists of China, or Yoga practitioners of India. They were very good at tracking, even by the most subtle cues. They knew all the migratory patterns, feeding habits, nesting, shelter, and mating of all the animals, that lived in their area.

They could throw a spear 90-120 feet, very precisely (but they didn't have a bow or arrow). Warriors had to be able to pick up and kill a snake barehanded; be able to climb trees, for honey; or knock a possum down; with an axe. Boomerangs were only used; in open spaces. They ate better than the Europeans, in Australia, and they had a half-wild dog, now called the dingo.

3.3.3 Plants and Animals

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Plants and Birds

The eucalyptus trees seemed very strange, to Europeans. Their skin was constantly peeling off, the branches were smooth and wrinkled, and they were evergrey (instead of evergreen). The trees were so far apart, that they resembled a public park, in England, because the aborigines burned the land, to encourage the growth, of grass. The Europeans found a huge variety, of brightly colored birds. They flew in such dense groups, that they formed bright colored clouds, that caste shadows, on the ground.

Animals

All the animals looked very strange. The kangaroos must have looked, like giant rabbits, that acted a lot like deer. The koalas were bad tempered, and slow, and ate large amounts (2 lbs) of leaves, every day. If you tried to pick up, one of these teddy bears, from hell, they peed on you and scratched up your arms.

The duck billed platypus and anteater, that came from Australia, not only looked part reptile, bird, and mammal, but they exhibited other odd traits as well. Both of them used the same opening for excretion, egg laying, and fertilization.

The ant eater looked vaguely like the English hedgehog, and laid eggs, but carried them in a belly pouch, like a kangaroo. It could not see very well, but could smell ants, from a large distance away. It had a beak and a long, sticky pink tongue. When afraid, it curled up in a ball, like a hedgehog, but then proceeded, to dig itself, into the ground, very rapidly.

The platypus lived in both the water and on land. It was a cross between a duck and a beaver. The platypus laid leathery eggs, in a hole, in the muddy side, of a river, and were nursed, by pores, scratched open, by the mother. The platypuses ate their own body weight, in insects and worms each day and had a very high metabolism. They also had poison, in their heels.

Biosphere

At night, the trees were bustling with loud and active furry animals, including those nasty possums, that are very prolific where I live. The animals sounds were not consistent, with their size, and you couldn't see depth very well, because of the tree's transparency, so it was hard to locate animals by sound. The ground was covered with dry brush, so that hunters could be heard from far away. Most animals in Australia were not a threat to people, but the snakes and insects definitely were.

3.4 Beyond Norm University

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for Plush Heart subculture¡br /¿ ¡br /¿ Educated toys are more fun to play with.

3.4.1 Purpose

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  • a community for the open exchange of Plush friendly ideologies

  • a central clearinghouse of information for Plush health

  • a Plush cooperative distance recreation center

  • a Plush way to create belonging and build relationships

  • for those Plush animals with intellects far beyond those of humans

  • founded in honor of Norm (a Plush cow)

3.4.2 Admissions

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  • There will be an equal ratio of Plush farm animals, sea creatures, and birds

  • Plush animals must be surfaced washed regularly

  • Plush souls must be in their original bodies

  • Plush animals must be able to communicate through their human guardian

  • Plush animal must be computer literate

  • Plush animal must get enough rest time and play time each day

3.4.3 Programs of Study

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Still Theory Core
  • Taoist Perspective on Equality

  • Gothic Perspective on Beauty

  • Skeptical Perspective on Humanity

  • Existential Perspective on Individuality

  • Confucian Perspective on Respect

  • Ecofeminist Perspective on Suffering

Electives
  • Plush Anatomy and Physiology

  • Plush Adaptations of Popular Sports

  • Common Plush Emotional Issues

  • Distribution of Plush Food Products

  • Plush Musical Techniques

3.4.4 Faculty

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  • Professor Beary, School of Plush Agriculture, Music, Sports

  • Professor Bow, School of Plush Medicine, Music, Sports

  • Professor Patrick, School of Counseling

3.5 Cow Myths throughout History

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3.5.1 In the Icelandic Edda

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Audumla came from melting ancient ice and she brought out the god Buri by licking salty ice. She gave rivers of milk to Ymir who was the father of giants who the earth was created from.

3.5.2 In the Hindu religion

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A light shone from the creator and so the Vedas, the Fire, the Cow, and the Brahmin came to be. Cows live in the highest world and there are many hymns about them.

3.5.3 Dun Cow

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The Dun Cow was owned by a giant that lived in Mitchell Ford. She had an endless supply of milk. A lady upset the cow because she asked for too much milk, so the cow barged out of the ford and into Dunsmore Heath, where she was killed. A mammoth tusk is kept there as the cow's horn.

3.5.4 In Scottish Proverbs

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The Cow of Forfar came by and drank a tub of bear that a lady left outside to cool. In the Highlands a farewell drink is taken standing in honor of the cow. The lawyer Halkstern gave a sick ox to be company for another tenant's heifer and the heifer gored the ox to death. The tenant told the lawyer the opposite happened. This is the basis for a Scottish proverb about a person who changes an opinion when he examines the issue more closely.

3.6 Cow Slogans

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  • Don't eat us. We were your childhood friends.

  • Don't segregate us. We are all multicolored.

  • Zebras are just cows running really fast.

  • Wooly mammoths are cows with poor metabolism.

  • You don't still breast feed. Why do you drink our mother's milk?

  • Eat grass. Look how strong we are!

  • We leave no calf behind.

  • We have herd mentality and we aren't violent.

  • Our wives are not just vats to manufacture your chocolate.

  • And the cows' eyes are not cloudy all day.

  • Don't forget to shake our hooves in greeting.

  • The cow bell sets our daily rhythm.

  • You bring the cereal and we'll bring the milk.

  • Cows with nose rings are not alternative cows.

  • Look ma - no hands!

  • There are cows in almost every continent.

  • Cows are the victims of alien visitation

  • Without cows, what would we moo?

  • For every struggling lawn there is a cow solution.

  • Eternity is a never ending pasture.

  • Cows: the original cross country vehicle

3.7 Explaining Qi to Christians

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3.7.1 Confusing Qi with New Age Concepts

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The New Age movement has taken advantage of Christian misunderstandings of Asian philosophy to push a Pagan worldview. This has made many Christians skeptical about Chinese philosophy. All of Chinese philosophy is based on the concept of qi, which is the substance that makes up both the physical world and the spiritual world. But, when Christians hear about non-physical energy forces, they suspect it is a ploy, to manipulate them, into some New Age worldview. Christians often say, that, if God is somehow everywhere at once and connected with the world, that people will think that worshipping God is the same, as worshipping nature.

3.7.2 Nature of Chinese Philosophy

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Remember, as I said before, qi and all of traditional Chinese philosophy is philosophical, but not religious. Any works with a religious elements in them are clearly marked as so and are not uniquely Chinese, nor necessary, for understanding, or working with traditional Chinese concepts. What we know as traditional China is based on both Confucianism, which does not deal with anything supernatural, and Taoism, which was designed, by taking out, all the religious elements, of the I Ching. Buddhism has a Chinese adaptation, but is not really Chinese and is agnostic, about the spiritual world.

3.7.3 Holy Spirit is Not Prayed to

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There are some good reasons why this fear of New Age influence is all ill founded. If the world, although I am not saying that, is the Holy Spirit, then according to Biblical theology, you would still not worship it, because we are to pray to God the Father, through Jesus Christ, not the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is actually God's spirit and so we would not talk to His spirit anymore than people would talk to other people's spirits or are forbidden to pray to saints (the dead). But, another overlooked aspect, of this, is that I don't say that the Holy Spirit is the same as either the spiritual, or the physical world, but rather the substance, upon which both are made.

3.7.4 Abstractions of the Body

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In our world, we can understand how our bodies work are based, on the same concepts, of abstraction, where one underlying component is not directly related, to the functioning, of the entire person. By this, I mean, that the body is made up of cells, which we don't refer to, as even a living organism, much less a person and that, at and even lower level, the cells are made of atoms and there is little direct relationship between even the cell and the atoms, and even less between the person and the atoms.

3.7.5 Abstractions of Computers

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The same concepts apply to computers, as well. For the user, there should be little, to no need, to understand the way a web page is made, in order to use it. The person who makes the web page should not have, to understand how, to program a web browser. And then the person making the web browser has little need, to understand everything about your unique hardware and the software that works it.

3.7.6 Less Confusing than Trinity Concept

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When we praise the beauty of the natural world and give God credit, the same thing can be so for the spiritual world, and its very foundations. In order for us to theologically explain, that God is all powerful and everywhere at once, the resulting conclusion has to come, at least very close, to this same idea. This may be hard for people to understand, but most people don't understand anything basic, about the paradoxes, that explain most Biblical theology. And it may seem to easily mislead people, who have little ability, to understand abstract concepts, to confuse qi with the spiritual world, but the concept of the Trinity has inspired whole separate religions like Gnosticism, Islam, and Mormonism and we are not likely to get rid of that concept. Remember that concept of the Trinity is never mentioned in Scripture.

3.7.7 What Else Could it Be?

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The reality is that Christianity is true and definitely Chinese philosophy and medicine works too. The best way to reconcile, the entirely philosophical Chinese beliefs and the entirely religious Christian beliefs, without changing, or being counter, to anything that the Bible says, seem to be through the Holy Spirit. If qi is not physical, spiritual, or part of God, then what is it? How can anything else but God be the foundation, of our entire reality? If God is really bigger, than all of reality, wouldn't it make sense, that the spiritual world, is a subset of God, just as our physical world, is the subset of the spiritual world. This is the best way to illustrate God's infinite power and control, that goes beyond His entire creation.

3.7.8 New Age Movement Includes Christian Concepts

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Furthermore, we need, to formulate our beliefs, to not just be the opposite, of the New Age beliefs, but to simply embrace the reality of Christ and what the Bible says. The New Age movement is like the Animism, of the ancient world and the aboriginal peoples of the world, but it takes concepts, from every major belief system and so it would be impossible, to be the exact opposite, of everything New Age. In fact, the reason, for the popularity of the New Age movement draws extensively, on the addition of Christian values and concepts, more so than it picks and chooses, from Asian philosophy.

3.7.9 Rejection Because Not European

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And strange and difficult concepts, that are poorly understood have divided the Church throughout history, especially in Europe, due to our insistence, that it must make sense, within an Ancient Greek philosophical or Scientific worldview. Do you also realize, that the Greek philosophy, embraced by the early Church is a product of Middle Eastern Paganism and that contemporary Science is embracing many New Age worldviews? Is it not possible, that there is another way, of discovery, that is not spiritual or scientific. If what makes Asia unique is not accepted by the Church, doesn't that mean that our allegiance is greater to our ethnic and intellectual heritage, than to reality, and what the Bible says? Why is the church unwilling to be critical of the Scientific worldview?

3.8 A Face without Expression

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The light fell from the sky in droplets and formed in puddles, so that the entire landscape was covered in sparkling light. A wind arose from the ground and carried the freshly cut leaves of grass along the dusty road. A statue of a strange creature that resembled the face of a man rested next to a fallen tree.

Night fell upon the land suddenly. The sun retreated earlier than usual for this time of year. The moon was just struggling to come into the foreground.

Silhouettes of apes appeared on the horizon and grew larger in sudden flashes. The herd progressed in broken rhythm. Whips whistled through the crisp night air and landed on the backs of their guests with moaned greetings, garbled and indistinct.

Lanterns sailed through the air, from ape to ape. Hairy toes left bloody stains on the thresholds of the rustic villas. Blackberry bushes were uprooted and the wild flowers were stripped of blossoms beneath the feet of the horde.

From inside the houses there were heard sounds of commotion and confusion. Dark shapes darted under the glimmer of moonlight reflected off the windows. Fire was released into the side of the house as a gruff fist landed onto a swinging lantern.

Dropping to their knees, those inside turned away from the fire. Hand to mouth and heart in mouth, they called on the One for help. Apes fell in piles to the iron fist of the guardian stone.

Stone feet beat the heart of the fire until its will was broken. The light died and silence returned. The darkness remained and there was peace.

Holding fast to the One that sustained him in that dark hole, the pain broke before it penetrated to his soul.

The sky awoke flaming red as he wrapped his blistered feet with herbs and bandages. He arose and searched over the grounds for the guardian statue, but it was nowhere to be found. Strangely, he noticed pieces of char strewn several yards from the scene of the attack.

He looked up and saw the stone face with charred legs resting with legs crossed and foot broken off. He leaned up against the stone and rested in the early morning light. When the sun had reached full height, he awoke to the sound of another voice.

The man of stone needed to stretch his legs.

3.9 For the Kid in All of Us

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The value of Imagination, Independence, and Compassion

Beary, Bow, Patrick, and George are stuffed toy cows. They are leaders of their herd of stuffed cows. They live in my apartment.

They can't go outside of my apartment because they might get wet and dirty. If that happens, and if they don't go into the washing machine and dryer soon enough, they can get sick and they can lose their softness.

I can't always be there to keep them entertained, so they have numerous toys to keep them busy. They have a brown tent, a zebra stripped couch, and a yellow dump truck.

Since they don't always have me to play with them, and they can't go outside, they have to think hard to find ways to keep doing fun things despite this situation.

They can go on adventures even though they can't move very fast. They like to hide on the cow spots blanket, or change the TV remote with their hooves.

They hold meetings with the other cows and sheep. They hold elections and vote on things important to stuffed toys. They also go on dates with their girlfriend stuffed toy cows too.

They also talk to me while I am out around town and they help me think of ways to make drawings and photos with them in it. They also have made up some short songs for me.

They support a real cow that lives in California on a farm. This cow was abandoned by his mom and wouldn't even sell for 1 dollar.

Instead of letting him die from hunger, people now take care of him. He now has no worries and gets to eat, sleep, and play. He doesn't have to do any work.

3.10 How to Think Creatively

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3.10.1 Get Ready to Think

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  • Get plenty of sleep

  • Give yourself as much time as possible

  • Thoroughly research the topic

  • Don't limit your options unnecessarily

3.10.2 Think About the Idea

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  • Prioritize what is most important

  • Be willing to make trade-offs

  • Discuss the idea with other people

  • Take a lot of time to think about it

3.10.3 Try the Idea Out

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  • Make controlled experiments

  • Roll out your idea in stages

3.10.4 Get Ready for Future Ideas

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  • Be willing to try new things

  • Practice thinking differently

  • Take calculated risks

  • Try things you haven't before

3.11 Learn to be Kind and Patient

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3.11.1 First, Learn from Others' Experiences

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  • Find others to emulate who are kind

  • Pray for God's help to become kind

  • Read the Bible

3.11.2 Second, Broaden your Reading

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  • Read about a wide range of history

  • Read a variety of ethical writings

  • Read up on common manners

  • Read biographies of famous people

3.11.3 Third, Get your own Unique Perspective

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  • Learn your family history

  • Write your own autobiography

  • Discover or develop your own beliefs

  • Understand why you think the way you do

3.11.4 Fourth, Understand that Differences are OK

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  • Read things that conflict with your beliefs

  • Find similarities to your beliefs in these writings

  • Try to understand the reason why others think differently

3.11.5 Fifth, Learn Communication Skills

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  • Understand how you say things is as important as what you say

  • Learn to be direct

  • Learn how to read body language

  • Learn to evaluate situations from an emotional perspective

3.11.6 Sixth, Learn to Think Empathetically Instead of Purely Fact Based

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  • Read writings of famous mystics

  • Read poetry

  • Practice being kind to animals

  • Learn to be subtle

  • Listen to highly sensitive people

3.11.7 Seventh, Learn from Experience

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  • Spend time around people that are hard to get along with

  • Spend time around people in pain

  • Volunteer to help those who are disabled

  • Listen to what others say, when you disagree with them

3.12 Night Terror for Gothic Theory

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As I fell asleep one night, I began to get scared. The shadows on the wall were angry monsters. They had horns and one had a huge face with big buggy eyes that were looking around, as if to sneak up on me. I was too afraid to look around and see if the monsters behind the shadows. I ran to the door and switched on the light. I looked around the room. I noticed, in the corner, there was a stuffed toy with horns and it had a big face with eyes looking out at the sides. It was a very cute little cow. My eyes had played tricks on me.

As I began to fall back asleep, I started to hear a noise, like something walking on the roof and then a crashing sound. I imagined that there were little rats running around the roof and then falling off in groups. I carefully walked through the hall and out the front door. I was ready to run away. I had my coat on and my shoes on. I turned on the light and looked out the door. I immediately realized that the sound was coming from the rain and I noticed branches had fallen down, all around the house. My ears were not to be trusted.

As I went back to bed, I smelled a disturbing smell. It was very acidic. I suspected that some toxic cleaners had been used, by the cleaning help. I followed the smell to the bathroom and realized that it started after I used the bathroom. Now my nose couldn't even be relied upon.

I learned that things are not always as they appear from a distance. Many times, you have to do some serious investigating, to realize that.

3.13 The People of Stone and Leaf

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Walls of stone kept the long hallway cool even in the heat of the day. The stones were being broken into rubble by a soft and wet form that draws life from both the nearer light and the great sea below. The empty air was full of stale sea life.

The hammer pounded faithfully, as the steady hand beats form out of thought. Iron continued to strike iron, until the extra form of the stone figures fell away into great piles of rubble. The chisel carved the figures into pillars of stone, as the clay vessels were washed onto the edge of dry land.

Seven figures were arranged about the inner chamber, and the rock that they were made of was hardened by ten thousand blows of the hammer. Standing low to the ground and with thick limbs and middle, the faces were weathered for many ages of great sorrow and violence.

The great hands cast a mold of a curious metal. Radiant and flexible, light and impenetrable, there were none that could compare. As the figures were fitted with the special coats, a Voice spoke and the hammer fell to the ground with a piercing clatter.

Challenged by the One who made the spoke of time, he who beats the hammer to the anvil gave up that which he could not cause to wander. How would the people of stone become a nation without dreams of freedom? There was room for those whom the world would seldom see for how hard it is to set aside that which the craftsman has made.

By a heart sinking down in shame, the mighty hammer was cast down wildly as the stone people fled for cover. The Voice that made the people flee suffered the stone people to be His adopted children and to share in the wealth of His first children.

The great craftsman accepted even the foreshadow of rivalry as a gift of which he was not worthy. The craftsman now laid his people down to sleep in the heart of the great trees of stone, until the clay vessels would first dream of magic and light.

There was need to share this story with she who made the form that draws life from both the nearer light and the great waters below. Secrets held long make friendship seldom and painful. What does he who beats the anvil in the darkness of the halls of stone, think of that which dances in the symphony of the raging wind and flying streams of water?

Hold thy mind now fast on that dream that brings thought into form. The forest shall be alive with shepherds and not all trees will sleep through their own death. The sky and the great trees of stone shall be filled with those who come and leave as if from nowhere. But the stone people will still need wood.

3.14 Theology for Animals and the Inanimate

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The Bible never says that salvation is exclusively for humans, nor does it define what human is genetically. According to the Bible's definition of Christian (having the fruits of the spirit) and Human (made in the image of God) animals score higher than most homo sapiens. The idea that animals and humans are created to be so different comes from medieval sensibilities, not from Scripture.

3.15 Tips for Animal Welfare

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3.15.1 Background Information

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One of the things very close, to my heart, is the health and welfare, of animals. From my experience, with animals, I have found animals, to almost always be, of stellar morality, on all the things, that really matter, so that, when deciding, on whether I should help and animal or a person, I will almost always choose the animal. I think, that improving the life, of even one animal is a worthy goal, for a well lived life and is very important spiritually, as well. One of the things, that really has kept me, from writing more about this, or to get involved, in animal rights organizations, is that it breaks my heart hearing about all the terrible things animals have been subjected to, done not, for their benefit, nor are they aware, of the reasons, or able to choose their fate.

3.15.2 Animals, Money, and the Law

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I am not going to talk about all the awful things done, to animals, but I am going, to help you understand the kind of ways, in which you can prevent cruelty, to animals. Animals are experimented on, for a variety of reasons, all related to making sure chemicals or technologies are safe, for human use. Many otherwise fine groups, like many children's hospitals, hurt animals, in their quest, to find new and more effective treatments, for human diseases. Animals are also hurt, in the process of making sure that cleaners and cosmetics are safe, for humans.

There is hope, though. There are less well known children's charities, that do not experiment on animals and you can buy cleaners and cosmetics, that were not experimented, on animals. If a product is labelled "not tested on animals" than you are clear. You can find lists of charities, that do not experiment, on animals and chemicals, that are not experimented on animals, by going to the PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) website. The main reason why animals are experimented on is that the chemical companies are using chemicals, that are too toxic, for human use. A good rule of thumb is that, if you think you need, to test a chemical, on an animal, then it is too toxic, for human use.

There are other reasons, that animals get hurt, by humans. Many of these are due to cruel ways, in which animals are made, into food, or young serial killer like personalities. The good news is, that there are groups, that monitor the conditions, of slaughterhouses and help bring about the ban of cruel practices, like foi gras. As times goes by, our laws are being extended, to help protect the rights, of animals, to be treated fairly and humanely. People can now serve time, in prison, for abusing an animal. If you know someone, who is mean to animals, stay away for them, because people, who are mean, to animals, are much more likely, to abuse people, as well.

3.15.3 Pet Care Responsibilities

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Some of the ways, in which animals are mistreated usually involve pets. One of the major ways, to make a good life, for your small pet is to give it enough room, to move around in, by letting the animal out of its cage and making sure the cages are big enough, for the animal to move around adequately. For little animals, like hamsters, they have a kind of clear plastic ball, that you can let your hamster roll around in and keep it from getting hurt or lost. Birds should be let out of their cages. I wouldn't worry about a bird escaping, because they will likely find their way back to you. You can also clip their wings so they cannot fly to far, or let them fly around indoors.

There are other ways in which pets can get hurt. Make sure, that you have everything toxic put away, so that none of your animals can get, to them. This is like childproofing, but realize that animals can get into many places, that kids cannot. If you lock up chemicals, in a secure and completely enclosed storage, this should be adequate. Cats cannot be kept in, by fences and rodents can generally get into very small spaces and chew through almost anything. You need to be careful about poisons, that get rid of insects and weeds, because they can make your animals sick. Just because you are not sick does not mean that they are safe. Animals are much lower to the ground and get into things that people usually don't.

Many animals have special needs, depending on their species and/or breed. Some animals need to eat living animals, like reptiles or snakes and some need things, to chew on, like rodents. Different animals are susceptible, to different diseases. Different animals live to different ages. 2 years is long for a hamster, but not as long for a dog. Different animals have different ranges of healthy weight. Taking animals, to the vet is expensive, so make sure you can afford it, before you buy a pet. Also exotic and bigger animals often cost more, than smaller and more common ones. There are legal restrictions, on what kinds of exotic pets, that you can have and how to handle them. Some animals need constant human attention, some are happier with other of the same species, and some need special diets. The best way to find out, about these things, is to read as much, as you can find, about your pet.

3.16 Train harder than necessary for Plush Cow theory

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In high school English classes, we had to write in class every day. We though that it was mean at the time, but I have learned from that to write very quickly and was able to finish college papers, in an hour or two, from start to finish.

In the military, they could have trained us in a community college setting, as most skills were technical but fairly simple, but wars aren't fought in football fields and in order to get ready for combat, we had to be put under combat stress. That is the reason why Drill Sergeants yell at you and give you no time to think and why they push you to learn so fast and punish you, if you don't pick up on everything immediately. Because there is no time in combat to figure your way out of situations; you have to know instantly what to do and the main way they do that is by just having the officers think.

In computers and in other types of security, security is not just a one step process. You have to have different layers of security and if you have anything important to save, you must find several levels of protection, expecting that one will fail on you. This is called redundancy.

Whenever a person prepares for something important, you go beyond what is adequate and do more than what is necessary, because you can expect things in life to fail on you.

3.17 Why Stuffed Toys?

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3.17.1 Why Animals?

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I live alone and find, that most people I meet, in everyday life, since I am not able, to work, to be rather obnoxious. I enjoy being around animals, so much, because they are always kind and patient, with you, in the things, that matter most. I am careful, to not hurt any animal, even insects, if it is not absolutely necessary, for my safety.

3.17.2 Animal Stereotypes

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I am appalled, at how bad animals are treated, both throughout history and the world and also just within the United States. I believe, that one of the best ways, to improve the world is through improving one animal's life. Many people see animals, as less than human beings, either morally, because they don't get married, or because they are supposedly less intelligent, in the limited ways, in which we test intelligence.

3.17.3 Animal Morality

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I believe, that animals are more moral, than people, in that they exhibit more Fruits of the Spirit, the qualities a Christian is supposes to have, to prove their faith is real. Furthermore, God has at least one contract, with animals, like He had with Israel, and then through Christ, detailed in Genesis - animals are not supposed to kill people. Furthermore, when the New Testament talks about salvation, it never directly specifies, that being human is a requirement, or give a clear method, to determine who is human by Biblical definition (the Bible does not talk directly about DNA).

3.17.4 Proof of Animal Intelligence

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As far as intelligence is concerned, think about it this way: while it is true that most animals cannot speak human languages, they have a very good understanding, of how to communicate their needs and desires. If an outside observer looks, at the situation, between a person and a pet, they might well think, that the pets were the dominant species. We take care of a pets medical, dietary, sanitation, and emotional needs.

3.17.5 Further Proof of Animal Intelligence

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Is is true that pets give us a lot, but they do get cared for, as much as we do, for our own children, or relatives, with an extreme disabling condition, and the animals are not even technically related. If we were able to get al our needs met, by some other species, then we might not develop written language, or the wheel either (although the opposable thumb comes in very handy, with those tools, we need to grip, for holding a book, or doing things, that require fine motor skills, or quick reaction, like driving a car, or playing a video game).

3.17.6 Can't Buy Friends

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There are many things you need, that you can hire someone else, to do, like food, transportation, cleaning, and fix things, but it gets more tricky, when you want company, but don't have the energy, to give back, to them. This is the kind of thing a pet can do, for you. The downsides are bigger, for some people, than for others. The responsibilities you have, for the animal, are satisfying basically all its needs. Most animals are like 3 year old human children and have similar needs.

3.17.7 Rationale for Stuffed Toys

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But, there is a solution, that gives most of the benefits, of having an animal, without the responsibility. This alternative is called a stuffed toy, or, as they prefer, to be called, plush animals. A plush animal does not move, at least that I have directly seen, and does not eat, so I don't have, to clean up, after them. Plush animals may not talk, to you, but I have Schizophrenia, so they talk to me. They are one of the special relationships I have, that I wouldn't, without my mental illness.

3.17.8 Life for My Stuffed Toys

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My stuffed toys think, of me, as a cross between: an older brother, a friend, an uncle, and a dad. Some of their greatest dreams include going on a trip and learning to read. They like the new Apple devices and I have bought a number of books, games, and apps for them. They get spoiled, because every screen, like the TV or iPad, is like a movie theater screen, for them, because of their small size.

They think of themselves as real, full size farm animals and they believe, that they live, in world of giants.

3.17.9 Plush Ideas about TV Shows

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One of their big activities, includes watching TV. They like, to watch, what they call the "little shows" - commercials, because they can follow them better, because they are so much shorter, in time. They like shows, that seem related to things they think I do or have done, especially if there is character called Ben - they call these "Ben shows". They also like shows, with small children, in them, that are young enough, to still play, with stuffed toys and shows made, for kids, like cartoons - they call these "cow shows".

3.17.10 More Plush Ideas about TV Shows

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They also enjoy watching "grass shows" - football, baseball, golf, and soccer games, or any other game, that is played on grass - so they can watch the grass grow. Their favorite movie, of all time, is Toy Story and they love movies about toys, like Transformers and GI Joes. They don't like it, when I look at the TV Guide, on the TV, so that the picture of the show shrinks - they call this "little TV".

3.17.11 Plush Government and Society

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There are several leaders, for the stuffed toys, but they have a constitutional monarchy, so every stuffed toy gets, to vote. They all get magic, from God and the leader toy then taxes the magic, so that they have some, during an emergency. They have had ranks over time and they get promoted, so that the stuffed toys who were there the longest are treasured the most, as many older stuffed toys are rejected, or played with less.

3.17.12 Example of Plush Humor

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They keep asking my Mac and iPad what their names are. It goes like this - they say "what's your name". The iPad says "iPad". They then say - "oh you are Pad". It then says "iPad" again. Then they say "we know, say you are Pad".

3.17.13 Keeping Plush Safe

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The only disease, they can get, we call "plush cancer," which, if they are wet, for a long time, they can mold (I live in Oregon). That is why I am very careful, that they stay indoors and never get wet, and, if they do, I put them in the dryer. I try not to run them through the washing machine, that often, so that they can last longer.

3.17.14 More about Keeping Plush Safe

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My biggest worry about my cows is that there will be a fire, in my apartment, and they will be badly burned and I can only feel very depressed, when I think, of stuffed toys crying, or in pain. I am very careful, with fire, and am still looking, at ways, to further protect them, like getting a clear version, of those firemen tents, that the forest can burn all around them, and they will be safe.

3.17.15 Plush Holiday Celebrations

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I don't know the exact dates I got them on, so I celebrate their birthdays, when I have mine. They get gifts, for birthdays and Christmas. I also buy some of the leaders clothes I get, from Build a Bear Workshop, all with the same theme. Many of them sit, on collapsible bookshelves, so, in my house, I have very little room, for actual books. I try to find gifts, for the other stuffed toys, - last year I got them felt to sit on, moved them, so they were closer to me, and also adjusted their locations, so that I can air out the house, without them getting wet, when it is raining and windy.